Poster Magic takes over

Poster Magic takes over.

There is something magical about posters in our city. It’s as if all our problems vanish, when posters proclaim so. No matter what the problem is a poster makes it disappear. Appears poster, disappears problem!

Lack of leadership: No problem, just put a hoarding across the constituency or city, showing a photo shopped image with a beaming smile – a face plumped with collagen and reconstructed with dental artistry – who can challenge that.

The leader has arrived. Mortified competitors will respond with a barrage of posters, showing a bevy of supporters; this will be a bigger poster too! The bigger the better.

But the deed is done. The posters have a secret formula- Leadership is directly proportional to the formula:

L= {nlog( Ps+Lp+Psk)x log.e.Mcoma.x Nasp.}÷Rn

This is based on Intel reports. This code has to be deciphered before it’s too late.

Ps- poster size

Lp- location of poster

Psk- Photoshop capable support

Mcoma- coefficient of Municipal apathy

Nasp- number of aspirants

R- Number of residents

e- Natural log base 2.718

Here is a look at how posters are solving other problems:

Sewage/drainage problem: No problem. Poster on multiple project inaugurations will magically appear. Who cares if the roads are dug up endlessly and nothing happens. Poster to hai naa! Sub kuch theek hai. Such is poster power, that the public feels reassured even when it can’t get to work, when workplaces get flooded, and the fire-brigade and ambulances siren themselves into a tizzy.

Security problem: Thefts and break-ins, underpaid guards who look like they need more help than they can offer; beat constables, clearly not seen in the presence of the needy –  no problem yaar,  Posters on polices, ‘neighbourhood watch schemes,’ shall appear magically. All is well. Criminals, of course, are scared of posters.

Traffic jams: Arre why worry.  Poster on new connectivity project supported by another poster of minor leaders following the guidance derived from another poster of major leaders with even better Photoshop capability will show us the way

Health care and disease, dengue, exceedingly high levels of cancer causing pollution.  No new public healthcare. C’mon people don’t be doomsayers. Don’t listen to serious research. Look at the bright side of fancy hospitals offering discount schemes on clogged arteries and other miseries our city is being subjected to. Did you miss the life enhancing poster of the environment minister promising plantation and tougher emission norms? You must be an irresponsible citizen.

Hungry and deprived: No problem, posters on free meals will appear. The puri could double for a Frisbee, but why worry – just look at the poster – all the kids look well fed and happy.

Things have come to such a pass that posters have set up their own body. The posters clearly mean business.  The All Poster Power and Rights initiative (TAPPORI) has been set up.

Now the posters are discussing among posters!
Only posters can be members. They will have all the powers.

I am told that TAPPORI is now leveraging with US president Obama to not waste his time over war and resources on the Syria issue. They have offered posters all over US and Syria to declare ‘no problem’. Putin will be dealt with through posters in Moscow

As it turns out a public meeting between posters is taking place. The all Delhi Convention of Posters convened by TAPPORI is planned in our neighborhood. Their agenda is to decide how posters will have greater rights and powers over citizens in the future. A poster empowerment bill is in the offing to be tabled in the next session of the parliament

In hush tones people overwhelmed by poster power come and whisper. I receive missed calls and ghost e mails. Mystery is afoot.

 

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